Always There
by love2writefanfics
Summary: Sirius and Remus were always there for each other. No matter what. And they always be.
1. From the Beginning

**ALWAYS THERE**

**Chapter One: From the Beginning**

'_Words in between half quotes and in italics are thoughts.'_

Disclaimer: I own nothing you can find in any book or other copyright material. Yet. Just you wait.

Any and all reviews welcome, even if they seem like a waste of your time I'll cherish them and take all advice and suggestions to heart. Thanks.

For all those people who were looking for a slash story, I'm sorry. Not this one, they're just friends.

Happy reading!

**end of author's rants**

1978- three years before Harry's parents died, two years before he was born.

Not even an entire day after the full moon, Remus Lupin was back on his feet despite evident fatigue. Sirius, his flatmate, had expressed great concern about Remus being up and about so soon, but Remus, having always been a glutton for punishment, had scheduled a job interview for that morning and had to get ready. Currently, he was attempting to make coffee while fending of his worried and upset friend.

"…But Remus! You're still not well! Look at yourself- you're exhausted, white as Nearly Headless Nick, and swaying!" Sirius insisted for the eighth time that hour.

"Sirius, this may end up being my only shot at employment until next Christmas or perhaps even Easter. I really need to go to this interview."

"You don't need a job. You know that James and I would give you money any old time! And what…" Sirius's voice trailed off at the offended expression on his friend'sface. "I'm sorry, it's just that-"

"It's just that I'm a werewolf, and you pity me, and so you'll lend me money," Remus grumbled. It was at times like this when he wished he were more like most people. Actually, he constantly wished that but it was when Sirius was exceptionally annoying that he wished it with all his being.

"No, that's not it! We care about you, and we'll lend you money if you need it, and-"

"You've told me all this before, Padfoot. I need to be able to take care of myself. Leave me be."

"It's all still true! Remus there is no need for you to have to take care of yourself financially! We'll always be here! And anyway a job is a waste of time, and it's boring, and-"

"Drop it."

"But-"

"I said 'Drop it,'" Remus snapped, getting annoyed.

Staring back hopelessly as Remus gave him a vicious glare, Sirius quietly gave up, and slipped back into his room when Remus marched out the door. _'Remus doesn't know his own limits, and someone has to look out for him. I'm not doing this to annoy him, just to help him through everything that he has to put up with. Why am I always on the receiving end of his temper when Remus is irritated?'_

**scene change**

Remus apparated on the street near the building where he had been told to meet the man who would interview him. Everything in the town where Remus may soon be working- until someone figured out that a werewolf was among them- was gray, dull, and uninviting. Not to mention it was raining here, unlike it had been back outside the apartment several kilometers away. Remus pulled his patched and fraying cloak closer around himself and threw the hood above his head. Strolling up to the building, he tried to figure out what to expect. He hadn't told Sirius, but he had no idea what the job was. He was so desperate for a job right now that he was accepting job interviews from shady, mysterious characters. This was dangerous, he knew, but sometimes you had to do things like that. Especially when you constantly need to "borrow" money from your friends that both they and you know you'll never be able to repay. Sirius had paid the rent for the past five months now, even though when they moved in they promised to split the cost evenly. It was definitely time for Remus to get a job.

Stepping into the building, he found that it was little better inside than it was out. The yellow peeling wallpaper should have been replaced years ago, as should have been the carpet with holes in it straight through to the wood beneath. Perhaps the whole building should have simply been knocked down since the roof had leaks in it, and there were water stains all across the ceiling and down the walls. Remus stepped up to the secretary's cracked and stained desk which was the only piece of furniture in the room unless you counted the broken and wobbly chair the older woman was hunched over in.

He stood in front of the desk for several minutes looking at her perfect hair and the flawless handwriting scrawled across page after page before clearing his throat in attempt to get her to notice him. The brunette's head snapped up at the noise. "Ah… so you're Remus Lupin?" she said after flipping through a pile of papers to her left.

"Yes."

Her gray eyes scanned him from his dripping hair past the holes in his robes to his peeling to pieces and cramped shoes. _'I probably match this place perfectly,' _Remus thought bitterly. _'Falling apart at the seams, but still trying to operate.'_

She glanced at her watch that could easily be as old as she was. "You're an entire minute late."

"Actually I've been standing here waiting for you to finish whatever it is that you've been working on for the past _two_ minutes_." 'Fight fire with fire, or in this case fussiness with fussiness.'_

She sniffed disapprovingly, but finally waved him through the single black door behind her.

Remus proceeded through the heavy door into a pitch-black room. The place smelled musty and old. This office was most likely not much of an improvement over the room he had just left. A voice spoke before his keen eyes could adjust enough to see the line of light under the door, never mind being able to see the man himself. "Ah…Lupin. I was wrong when I thought you wouldn't show. So you want a job?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Then I'll need to hear just a little about what you know about defeating dark creatures. Alright?"

"Yes, Sir." _'This should be easy, I was the best in my Defense Against the Dark Arts class by the time I graduated three years ago.'_

"Good. Now, Lupin what's the most painful way to kill a vampire?"

"Expose them to sunlight, especially early in the morning. They burn up over a period of an hour, and it's far more painful than anything a human being could ever experience naturally." _'Am I going to be killing vampires and other dark creatures –like werewolves- as painfully as possible? I really hope not.' _He was now able to see the vague outline of an extremely large man sitting in a chair that, while large, was still not enough to match his size. Was it the same man who had offered him this job? He was certainly the right size. How many men were there that were nearly two and a half meters tall, and nearly half as wide that didn't smell as though they have giant blood in them?

"Hmm…yes, that's correct. Why are mandrakes dangerous?"

"Because their cries are lethal." _'Duh, that's easy. But maybe that means I'm going to be harvesting mandrakes, which isn't nearly as bad as the alternative. I could live with harvesting mandrakes.'_ With these comforting thoughts in mind Remus began to relax again.

"Precisely…very well one more question, Lupin, and I'll see about hiring you. How do you go about killing a werewolf?" The interviewer sat back smugly, this was the question that would decide if he hired Lupin; all the others had just been warm-ups, and nearly irrelevant to whether he'd get the job.

Remus's heart stopped and his body went cold at this question. _'Please,'_ he prayed, _'let this have NOTHING at all to do with the job'_ "A werewolf in wolf form can only be killed by silver, preferably in the shape of a muggle bullet or a long knife. Or you can wait until he is human again and kill him like you would anyone else." By the end of his first sentence, Remus had been hearing rustling from the same corner as the figure that he could still not see very well.

"Good, good. I think we can take you on. Did I remember to tell you what I was interviewing you for?" The interviewer knew that he hadn't told Remus, but Remus hardly would have take on the job if he told him all about the dangers of this particular occupation.

"No, Sir."

"Well then," he replied opening the heavy door as though it were as light as a feather, "welcome to the Third National British Team of Werewolf Slayers, Lupin." Seeing Remus's hesitation to shake on it he added, "Is there a problem with that?" It was evident he wanted to hire the poor youth. The young man seemed to really need a job, and he needed a partner ever since his last one was killed in action. You needed a partner for this kind of thing for one main reason: you had a better chance of surviving if someone was watching you're back, and if the bloody monster did get you, your partner wouldn't let the beast get away with it.

"I just don't like killing that's all. Werewolves just look so human sometimes it's just…" Remus said smoothly, as though it were merely a minor concern.

"I know what you mean, but you get used to it quite quickly," the big man said, really hoping he wasn't going to lose a potential partner.

"I'm not sure I want to get used to murdering."

"Hmmm. Well, if it helps you any not one of my many former partners has ever killed an innocent before, during, or after their service here." He didn't mention that only one out of his seven partners in the past two years lived to see an after.

"I'll think on it."

"Owl me in a week either way." But he really hoped it wasn't a negative answer.

"Thank you sir, I will." And Remus practically ran out the door, trying to get away from the evil man who'd kill him without batting an eyelash. He was probably used to it now, anyway, just like he'd said.

In precisely a week the werewolf slayer would receive the disappointing letter which explained in very polite terms why Remus preferred not to be out killing creatures that looked so much like humans so early in his life, but thank you ever so much for kindly offering the job. The man would go out to slaughter innocent werewolves three weeks after, and would be killed by his pray without back up. No one would notice, but the werewolf who had done him in would feel great remorse, even when he realized it was his life or this man's. The secretary would go find a decent job where her brisk and impatient manner would be highly appreciated and she would be quickly promoted. Remus, evidently, would never hear any of this, and would still sometimes have nightmares of the man who killed werewolves for a living. It wasn't even for a really great living; he was obviously in it for "the safety of the people." Remus had seen, and would see, many such people during his lifetime, and would both hate and pity all of them.

**scene change**

When Remus returned, Sirius was waiting for him with lunch ready on the table and greeted him with "Finally!" and then began to wolf down food as though he hadn't eaten yet this month. Bits and pieces of what he was eating fell about on occasions and usually landed in Sirius's lap. Remus didn't worry about this particular mess. Padfoot would take care of it when Sirius was done. Remus settled into the seat near the plate that had been set out for him and began to eat. Years ago, he had learned not to let Sirius's eating habits force him to lose his own appetite. Sirius stopped eating only once half way through the meal to ask Remus if he had gotten the job. "I had to turn down the offer, Padfoot," Remus sighed. Sirius shrugged and continued eating. Remus was grateful Sirius hadn't pushed him into saying why he needed to turn down the job.

Shortly after lunch, Remus was lying on the couch, sneezing and coughing. Because of this, Sirius saw the need to lecture him. "I told you not to get up. And then you go out- here's another box of tissues since that one's nearly done- into the rain. Why did you turn down the job anyway?"

"Because I didn't like the boss," Remus muttered the excuse he had thought up during the meal.

"Who likes their boss? I hate mine, Peter constantly complains about his, and James, nice guy that he is, plots to murder _his_ in his sleep… on good days. Bosses aren't supposed to be kind, caring people."

"I know, but he was especially mean," Remus sneezed at Sirius.

"How?"

"He just was."

"How? First you want a job so badly, and then suddenly you're throwing it away for no good reason? I don't understand you, Moony."

"Leave it be."

"No, absolutely not. Please tell me, Mister Mysterious," Sirius taunted in a light joking tone.

"Leave it be."

"Listen to yourself; 'Drop it!' 'Leave it be!' Man, Remmie, you are more emotional than all of my past girlfriends put together."

"Quiet you."

"'Quiet you!'" Sirius mimicked in a high-pitched voice.

"Alright, I get your point. I'm feeling a little down, and it comes out in a snap. I'm sorry, Padfoot."

"It's alright, I'm just teasing you." Sirius sank down onto the couch next to his friend. The two sat that way for a while, with Remus quite miserable from his cold, but otherwise both were comfortable.

"Whatever happened to all those past girlfriends anyway?"

"They liked me for my looks, not for my intellect, so I dumped them."

Remus chuckled, "Sirius, you don't own any brains. Any woman who likes you in the least is attracted to your stunning physical features, because there is nothing else to be attracted to."

"Hey!"

"It's true."

Sirius was silent for a moment, "I do too own brains… I just don't chose to use them on dates."

Remus simply chuckled in reply. A comfortable silence enveloped the two.

Suddenly, Remus's body convulsed violently. Sirius, having seen this before on days when Remus was ill immediately after a full moon, quickly scooped the feverish Remus into his arms, and picked up the garbage can on the way past the kitchen incase they didn't make it all the way to bathroom.

Entering the bathroom, Sirius pulled up the plastic stool from behind the door and sat Remus on his lap, waiting for the inevitable. When Remus hung his head over the toilet to be sick, Sirius held his head for him. They stayed that way for a while, Remus seeing his lunch a second time and Sirius holding Remus's hair back for him.

When Remus was done greeting his half-digested meal he settled back against Sirius, and they hugged each other the way friends do when one is hurting and the second hurts because the first one is in pain. They stayed like that all day, until Remus was just well enough to be moved to bed. Sirius was by his bedside all night, ignoring the fact that the wooden chair was much less comfortable then his own warm bed in the next room. Around midnight Remus, without actually waking up, opened his eyes to see Sirius sleeping lightly, all cramped in the tiny chair. He smiled in his state of half-sleep. From the beginning Sirius had been with him. Through his lycanthrophy, through losing job after job, and now through a simple yet bothersome cold. He knew he could count on Sirius always being there for him. It was a warm feeling the most werewolves hardly get to experience, and that would end for Remus in a short few years.

To Be Continued!

**end of chapter; beginning of author notes**

Well? What do you think? Help me! Come on, would it kill you to type a couple of words for every hundred that I wrote? You really need to review! Pretty Please?

(Oh, and for all you British people if you see something distinctly American mention it! I try, but I'm used to saying "apartments" instead of "flats" and such. I like to try to keep the feel of the original book.)

(How DO you spell lycanthropy? My spellcheck kept fighting me over it. I think I'm right, but it shakes its head at me and says, "Girl, you didn't know how to spell the word 'it' until you were six. I think I know more about this than you!") ;-p

Advice of the chapter: Water your plants everyday, they deserve at least a small fraction of the attention you give you and your looks, all you vain people!


	2. Again and Again

**ALWAYS THERE**

**Chapter Two: Again and Again**

Any and all reviews welcome, even if they seem like a waste of your time I'll cherish them and take all advice and suggestions to heart. Flamers will be laughed at- you can't possibly say something I haven't already though of myself! (I wrote this story a few years ago.)

**A special thank you to: Pistashimo and Ramzes** for the kind reviews. It was for you two that I'm posting this as soon as I got back from vacation.

'_Words in between half quotes and in italics are thoughts.'_

Disclaimer: I own nothing you can find in any book or other copyright material. Yet. Just you wait.

**end of author's rant**

November of 1981-just after Harry's parents died and Sirius sent to Azkaban.

Remus lay on the couch in the apartment he had once shared with Sirius. _'Sirius has betrayed us.' _It was the only thought that had entered Remus's brain for the past three weeks. _'Why? What did we do to make him go dark? How could we fail to notice all the signs?'_

Remus was sitting on that same couch again, just like had three years ago, but this time in the dark. He didn't have enough money to pay the electricity bill, so he kept flashlights about. In truth, he never used any of them, but the muggles that he rented the apartment from would think it odd that he could light a wand, or that he didn't need light at all.

Suddenly, there was loud knock on the door. Sighing Remus pushed himself off the couch and grabbed a flashlight. Slowly he opened the door. "Is the electricity out in your apartment, or something?" The strange man asked. He was less than two meters in height, which Remus found reassuring because he still half expected to see the werewolf slayer every time he opened the door.

"No," Remus whispered, "is there something I can help you with?"

"Sir, you haven't paid rent for this month and unless you can pay it by Saturday, then I'll have to kick you out."

"Rather blunt, aren't you?"

The man nodded, completely unabashed, but didn't verbally respond.

"Very well, I shall send in the rent by Saturday."

"Good day to you, Sir."

"Good day."

Remus closed the door and strolled back into the apartment. _'Good day indeed!'_ he thought savagely. _'What can I sell to pay the rent?'_ He went from room to room looking for something to sell, but he had sold most of the things that weren't nessecities already. Finally, upon finding nothing, he entered Sirius's room, a place he had avoided at all costs ever since the news of all that had happened had reached his ears.

Looking around the room, he saw many things that he could sell right off the wand (or bat if you're a muggle J). The lamp that he'd never use again was one item to go. All of Sirius's jewlery for another: the earrings for Sirius's single pierced ear, chain necklaces, and rings. They were mostly made of gold, and there wasn't a piece of silver in sight, something Sirius had made sure of since his flatmate was a werewolf. Remus wondered why he had done it, but wrote it off as something to help Sirius to keep up the charade of being a caring friend. Remus tiredly and stiffly opened the closet and was greeted with a colorful array of robes. Casting an eye over them, he say he could tailor a few to fit himself, but the more expensive ones would bring in enough money to feed him for a month for every robe he sold. Remus picked out the ones he was going to keep and lay them on the bed. There was still another sixty robes in the closet. Remus wasn't consience of it, but the robes he had picked to keep were the ones with sentimental value: The robe Sirius had worn when they had all gone to a bar for the first time, (Sirius had been sick all over it afterward, but none of that remained even to the werewolf's sensitive nose) the robe Sirius had worn most when he had sat next to Remus through various illnesses, and the robe that Sirius wore during one of Remus's remarkably painful transformations- after which Sirius had cleaned him up, helped him back into bed, and been there when Remus woke up.

Remus picked up all of the robes, the lamp, the jewlery, and several other things and went back to his room, closing the door to Sirius's old room. Some demons he honestly wasn't ready to face. He laid the robes that he was going to keep over the old wooden chair in his room. The rest of the robes he folded nicely for his next trip to London.

**scene change**

Two days later, only half the stuff was sold, but it was more than enough to pay the bills for the next couple of months and it was the full moon again tonight.

Remus put together the rent money and readied it to be sent to the collector dude. Glancing at his watch, Remus realized he really should apparate to the old shed behind his parents' house for the transformation. So that's what he did.

As Remus staggered up to the shed he watched the horizon. The sun was inches from sinking below the horizon. Remus finally stumbeled into the shed, and locked the door behind him. He carefully placed his wand high up on the shelf in the corner, and hurriedly stripped and folded his clothes and swiftly flung them next to his wand. Just as he'd thrown the last rebelious sleeve ontop of the rest of his stuff, he felt the pain deep down in his gut that told him the transformation was starting.

He doubled over as the pain spread to the rest of his body. The claws and the teeth were the first wolf parts to come. They began assaulting the parts of Remus that were still human. Remus screamed at the top of his lungs, knowing this was going to be a difficult transformation. The wolf was already angry and mutilating Remus, and now for the first time in eight years there would be no dog, wolf, or stag to calm it or even simply distract it for a few hours, a few minutes, a few seconds. Remus whimpered as the his bones twisted and reshaped themselves, and still the claws and teeth attacked. Remus began to pray for the torture to stop, as he did every month; his prayers remained unaswered, as they always did.

Finally, fur began growing all over Remus's body. Soon his mind would be the wolf's, no longer human, with a higher threshold for pain. Remus gave one more half-human-half-wolf gasp, and then the human part of him was wholly absent.

The wolf spent all night trying to get at humans. At first he tried to get out of the shack, but his claws, strong as they were, snapped against the steel; his shoulders, strong as they were, dislocated themselves after one too many impacts; and his teeth, strong as they, too, were, eventually were damp with blood from the gums that had been stretched to allow the teeth a longer battle with metal.

Then, smelling human, the wolf began jumping up towards the shelf in the corner for a taste. It is a rather comical sight, a werewolf jumping up and down in place, but no one was there to see it. The wolf's jaws finally clamped down on a sleeve that had flung itself of the ledge. The wolf tore apart the garment in search of the human inside, but upon finding none, turned to the other pieces of clothing that had toppled to the floor with the shirt. Discovering a lack of humans, it tried to smell its prey out. He ultimately found that he stank of human being, too. Wolves in general are very smart, serene creatures, but the werewolf is not. He tore himself to pieces searching for the human inside, but never quite got to it.

Before the wolf could deal himself the final blow before death, the moon sank beneath the horizon, and Remus the human returned. Upon reentering his mind, Remus was in absolute physical distress. Nearly every bone in his body was broken, his clothes had been shredded to bits and pieces, and his wand was still up on the shelf. Remus was not quite sure whether to be appreciative of this last fact or to be miserable about it. On one hand the wolf hadn't snapped it, and he still had a wand, on the other he couldn't move at all, little say stand, and could not reach his wand to heal himself, or to call for help.

Remus lay there for barely five minutes before his exhausted brain caved in and he passed out. Remus lay there alone for several hours before the door creaked and a middle-aged woman stepped in. Mrs. Lupin gasped when she saw the condition her son was in. She took out her wand and did her best to heal some of his broken bones, his dislocated shoulders, and the deepest of the cuts.

As soon as she was sure she could move him without worsening any of his injuries, she picked up her son, and took him to her house. When she had tucked him into his old bed, a bed that had been unused for over half a decade, she cried. She hadn't spoken to Remus in so long. She'd seen him come to the shed every full moon, and then watched him leave with new scars all over his body. She blamed herself for each new scratch and bruise on her precious son. Had she been a more responsible mother, she would have not allowed Remus to play outside on a full moon so near the woods. She knew that Remus had no idea she watched when he left the shed, and if he did, he'd not relish the concept, but now her spying might very well have saved his life.

When Remus still hadn't exited the shed for four hours after the full moon, her worry had peeked. She knew he liked to stay there for a while and heal himself before venturing back in to the harsh world that often turned its back on him, but four hours was getting on the ridiculous side. She was thankful now that she had risked her boy's wrath to check on him.

Mrs. Lupin gathered Remus's torn clothes and his wand and walked back to the house. Maybe it was time she and Remus had a talk.

**scene change**

When Remus woke up he was in a vaguely familiar room, but his mind failed to dredge up a memory to explain the familiar feeling of it. He lay there, testing himself to see what had become of him. Surprisingly, he was in rather good condition considering what he'd felt like when he'd last been conscious.

When his mother walked into his room, the sight of her jogged his memory and he remembered. His old room…Wow! He hadn't been here for years, yet nothing had changed. The same blue tone to every piece of furniture in the room, the same maple bookshelf -now empty of books- and the same desk that had once been buried under parchment and quills.

"You're up!" Mrs. Lupin exclaimed at Remus.

"Hi to you too," Remus chuckled at her, but quickly resolved not to do that anymore. His ribs still hurt from being broken so recently.

"Are you okay?"

"I've been better."

"Remus," she sighed, before saying the words that strike fear into every heart except those of psychologists, "We need to talk…" She trailed off, eyes boring into the wall, seeing something beyond it.

"Mom?"

"Maybe you should come back and live here, it would be so much easier."

"Mom, I would really like to be able to live on my own, and I'm here every full moon, so if you want to get all cuddly then you go ahead and do that."

"Remmie-"

"Please don't call me that. _Sirius_ called me that." Remus didn't mention the other name Sirius used to have for him, that one had more painful memories attached to it.

"Yes, well, I called you Remmie first."

"You did?" Remus raked his brains, but couldn't remember her ever calling him that cute, stupid nickname.

"Yes- until you were seven and wanted a more adult name."

Remus chuckled again before remembering that laughing with broken ribs hurt, "Yes, well, he called me Remmie more recently."

"No, I called you Remmie just a minute ago."

"But he called me Remmie for a longer period of time, and I don't want to be reminded of him. At all." Just as she was about to object, he added, "Mom."

His mother rolled her eyes and muttered, "Okay, you win, I'll call you Remus, but I still want you to move back in with your father and me," and she stomped out of the room before Remus could respond. Remus rolled _his_ eyes at his mother's back. "Don't roll your eyes at me, young man!" The reprimand came from the other side of the house. Apparently, she still knew him better than he thought she did. Remus rolled his eyes again, not from a- nonexistent- rebellious attitude, but from habit.

Remus ended up staying with his mother for a couple more days, before heading back to the apartment Saturday night. Remus lay down on the couch. His mother had commanded him to take it easy, but Remus didn't need her voice ringing in his ears to tell him that if he didn't lie down and take it easy, his body would dish out the consequences.

Remus lay there for several hours before his body convulsed. Despite his precautions, he hadn't been well enough to apparate home. '_Great,' _he thought sarcastically_, 'just what I was hoping for: a visit from my already eaten dinner.' _Remus tried to stumble towards the bathroom or even to the garbage can in the kitchen, but he didn't quite make it anywhere beyond halfway across the den. Remus collapsed to the floor and proceeded to be sick. He tried to drag himself to the kitchen after the first time, but was soon sick again. After being sick all over both himself and the den (or living room, whatever you call it) floor several times, Remus lay weakly down on the carpet.

He began wishing that Sirius was there. A logical part of him knew Sirius was in Azkaban and never coming back, and even if he did come back, Remus wouldn't want to see him anyway after what he'd done. The other part, the larger part for the moment, however, said that it didn't care and it wanted his friend there by his side. It wanted to be able to lean back and hug Sirius; it wanted to wake up in the middle of the night and see Sirius sitting there, never having left his side; it wanted a friend to comfort him through all his pain.

That night, Remus managed to clean up his mess, and was going to go lay down in a proper bed, with a garbage can by his side, when a knock came at the door. Unable to imagine who was knocking, Remus hobbled to the door as fast as possible, and threw it open. Standing before him was…(Dark evil music please!)…The rent collector person! (Ahhhh!)

"Sir, you said you'd have your rent in by today."

"I'm sorry I meant to send that in. Hold on, I'll get it." Remus made his way to the kitchen counter and grabbed the envelope from the counter. "I'm sorry, I meant to get this to you earlier, but I had a bit of an accident."

"That's all right, Sir. I said have it by Saturday, and its Saturday, and here it is. Good night."

"Good night," Remus replied before shutting the door in the man's face. He went to bed just after that little episode with the dark, evil rent collector. And just around midnight, Remus opened his eyes and saw Sirius, wearing a set of older robes, sitting in the small chair beside his bed. Remus, on instinct, reached for Sirius's hand only to grasp nothing but air. That was when Remus realized that the robes were empty, they were just the robes he was keeping, and that Sirius would no longer be there to comfort him through anything at all. He realized that Sirius would be in Azkaban for the rest of his short, miserable life- that every time he reached out to look for Sirius he was destined to be disappointed, again and again. Worse was the knowledge that once he'd thought and hoped Sirius would always be there.

To be continued… in chapter 3!

**end of chapter; beginning of author's rants**

Well? Come on, people! You read it! If you liked something, say so, and if you hated it, then tell me how you think I should improve it! Thanks.

There are two more chapters to this story, both nearly finished. Stick with me until then.

Advice of the chapter: Listen to your parents. They mean well. You should think independently of what they have to say, but their advice is always with the best of intentions behind it. Yes, I tried to tie this one into the chapter. The whole plant thing was kind of irrelavent, wasn't it?


	3. Upon Return

**ALWAYS THERE**

**Chapter Three: Upon Return**

Any and all reviews welcome, even if they seem like a waste of your time I'll cherish them and take all advice and suggestions to heart. Thanks.

_'Words in italics between half quotes are thoughts.'_

**end of author's rants**

Summer of 1995- after Harry's fourth year.

Remus sat in the kitchen drinking tea. It had been an entire month since the end of Harry's forth school year, long enough for Sirius to have rounded up the old crowd. Remus expected him any day. He worried what would happen when Sirius came by. He'd heard from the Weasely family that Dumbledore had told Sirius to "lie low at his place." Remus hoped that Dumbledore hadn't phrased it quite like that. This apartment should have been Sirius's, too.

Remus wondered as to what scars Azkaban had given Sirius that he'd not yet seen. How much did Sirius remember? And how much had the dementors taken away? Remus wished desperately that when Sirius arrived, he would be able to help him, should he need help.

Remus refilled his teacup. It would be a long day for both them, the day Sirius arrived. They would have to work through everything. Even though Sirius had said he forgave Remus for blaming him for the Potter's death, Remus had the feeling that Sirius had never forgiven him in his heart. Maybe he was over what Remus had done enough to _say_ it; that didn't mean he _felt_ it.

'_And you? Have you forgiven Sirius for blaming you in turn?'_ Said a voice in Remus's head_. 'Of course I have,'_ he told the voice,_ 'but then I didn't spend twelve years with dementors because of his mistake. He can't say the same about me, though, can he?' _Remus, until that voice had invaded his brain, the voice of the wolf, had not thought of forgiving Sirius. What was there to forgive? But Remus knew, and the voice continued anyway. _'He turned on you, took your friends, your only friends, away.'_ He was a werewolf and the support of his friends had meant the world to him. Their last years all together had hurt Remus. He had hated the looks of suspicion from James and Sirius, and the fake, but very good, looks of suspicion from Peter. Or maybe Peter really was scared of the wolf, and the suspicion had been real. Not that it mattered to him now, but it had helped to damage Remus back then.

And Sirius had been the one to put the idea in their heads. Or had he? Had Peter subtly been trying to set them all against each other? But Sirius had believed him. Why? Because Peter was too weak to serve Voldemort, as Sirius now claimed was his reason? Even though Voldemort had a much easier time controlling the weak? Or was it because he didn't trust the wolf in Remus? Remus tried to stop this train of thought, but it continued late into the night as Remus lay in bed, waiting for sleep.

What if, ever since Sirius found out that Remus was a werewolf, he hadn't trusted him? What if he only became an animagus to make sure Remus didn't hurt other people? The "what ifs" swam around in Remus's head. _'But I don't deserve his forgiveness at all. He may have made a mistake, but I was up and walking after everything came down on us. Besides, he never acted like he distrusted me until then. Of course he was a good actor.'_

For the rest of the week, Remus's worries haunted him. They followed wherever he went: to bed, to the kitchen, to the shower, to the store, and everywhere else Remus went in effort to escape them. Then on impulse, Remus barged into Sirius's old room

Remus gazed around the room. It had been years since he'd been in here. Ever since he sold nearly everything Sirius had owned, he hadn't set foot in Sirius's old room. There was only the bed frame left in the room, and only dust left behind the closet door. It was rather depressing to see the once vividly colored room so empty of everything but a layer of grime.

Seeing what he'd done to the room in the following months after his friends' deaths, he felt as empty of positive emotions as this room was of proper furnishings. How would Sirius feel, seeing that none of his things- his robes, the mattress, and sentimental things- none of them remained?

That night Remus dragged his mattress onto the bed frame, and slept in Sirius's room. The dust irritated his sensitive nose, but that night he slept, and no worries kept him awake.

Remus woke up around eight o'clock, much later than normal for him, the next morning. He had more energy than he'd had in the past week and a half. Remus took his mattress back to his own bed and began cleaning the dust form Sirius's room. He cleaned the room until there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere.

The entire day Remus alternated between cleaning and having staring contests with walls that always won. He anxiously waited for Sirius's arrival. Sirius didn't come that day. Remus felt that Sirius was tormenting him on purpose. He wasn't, obviously, and Remus knew that, but feelings are hardly ever logical.

Finally, after waiting forever for Sirius to show up, Remus woke up knowing that Sirius was arriving today. It was just a feeling. Call it instinct, call it ESP, call it whatever you wish, he just _knew_.

The greatly anticipated knock sounded at 9:37 and 26.3 seconds. Actually it wasn't truly a knock, which is usually light and sounds more than just once, but a distinct thump. Remus got up to see what had thumped, knowing already that it could only be one person.

Remus opened the door on a rather large, yet starved and exhausted, looking black dog. The dog's head drooped; its eyes were millimeters from being shut. The dog stumbled into the room with a crooked walk, drunk with exhaustion. Remus scooped up the dog and laid him lightly on the couch.

The dog trembled, and Remus, kneeling by the couch, stroked it softly. Eventually, the dog's trembling calmed, and it fell into a fitful sleep. Remus went to the closet and grabbed the cleanest of the timeworn blankets that he lay gently down on the dog's fragile body, leaving only his head exposed.

Remus absently pet the unconscious dog as his mind wandered. '_Poor Sirius, he must have had a time rounding up the entire Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore should have sent someone else to do half the job. Sirius isn't exactly the ideal person for that kind of job. I wonder why Dumbledore thought he was… He'll have his reasons, of course, I just wish he'd tell all of us what they were.'_

Remus came up with several theories, but eventually he dozed off, too. His sleep was not dreamless, but his nightmare was unmistakably easier to handle than Sirius's horrendous dreams.

In his dream, he found himself walking. He couldn't see a centimeter in front of his face; the fog all around him obscured his vision in all directions- except downward. The muddy, squishy grass beneath his feet made a squelching noise every time he took a step. Remus squelched his was down the hill on which he appeared to have began his journey. When he was half way down the hill the fog suddenly dissipated, and Remus could recognize the land in front of him. He was in a place that he knew very well. He was at the cemetery where James and Lily had been buried. Only one thing was odd, from what Remus remembered since he'd last been there.

There was a man, facing away from Remus and towards two plots: James's and Lily's. His shoulders shook with body-raking sobs. He had sandy colored, rather disheveled hair, and wore frayed black mourning robes. There was no sound as Remus descended towards the young man, not even a dirge.

Remus reached the pair of plots, but the young man didn't turn around. Remus, not wanting to interrupt him, walked around the lumps of dirt that held some of his dear friends. When Remus saw the face of this person he gasped quite loudly. The crying younger version of Remus took no notice of his older self as he sobbed bitterly over his friends, four years dead. Remus gave a sad smile to himself. He'd been twenty-seven then, and convinced that his only living friend had turned traitor.

Remus turned around, to look at the plots again, but as he turned the scene changed to a starry full moon night. In the dream, Remus looked up at the full moon and felt nothing but awe. No pain, no fear, just awe. To Remus it was wondrous to see the moon full again, and not have to go through the horrible change seeing the full moon usually brought upon him. Remus was breathing deeply, as though he could drink in the suddenly harmless full moon and make it forever a part of him, when a scream shattered the night.

Remus turned and saw, again, himself- seven years old this time- running. Remus felt his heart thud in his chest, watching the scrawny boy run through the forest. He knew why he was running, knew what followed. Involuntarily, he took a step back when he saw the monster lightly step through the undergrowth. It had been forever since he had seen a werewolf through human eyes…not since the night he was now revisiting, in fact.

Remus watched as the werewolf mercilessly sunk his teeth into the whimpering and pleading boy's skin. Watched as the wolf began tearing the boy apart. He watched, too, when the moon sank below the horizon, and the werewolf twisted in pain as it changed and ran to the forest, leaving behind the young severely injured boy. The dream slowly faded as the little boy gasped for air, trying figure out why he was still alive, breathing.

Remus awoke to a dog systematically slobbering all over his entire face with its tongue. The dog was standing over Remus, who'd fallen asleep leaned up against the couch. Laughing, Remus pushed Sirius away, "All right. All right. Yes, now, that's quite enough!" At the slightly sharper tone in Remus's voice on the last word, the dog pulled away reluctantly, wagging its tail hopefully.

Remus raised his eyebrows at the dog. "I don't speak dog, you know. I haven't the faintest idea what that is supposed to mean. You're just going to have to tell me in plain English what that translates to; I'm quite sure that it is rather crude, simple, and to the point, whatever it is." Remus smiled.

The dog abruptly vanished, and Sirius Black stood in his place. He had a human version of the look the dog had been giving Remus on his face. The get-up-you-idiot-why-are-you-still-sitting-there? look. Sirius reached out a hand and helped pull Remus to his feet.

"Thank you, Padfoot. Why don't we have something to eat, then?"

"Sounds fine by me," said the raspy voice of the escaped convict. Remus felt a painful tug at his heart, hearing Sirius speak. Sirius's voice used to me melodic and easy on the ears. People- namely interested females- used to try to keep him talking as long as they could, just to hear his voice another time. Now, when he spoke, the noise grated on all listening ears. Poor Sirius, he'd lost everything from his freedom to his wonderful voice. Remus wasn't gay or anything, but, being a werewolf, he had sensitive ears and a tendency to notice voices.

Remus walked into the tiny kitchen, Sirius trailing behind him. Remus watched Sirius as he absorbed all the changes the apartment had undergone in the past decade or so. He stood in the doorway and let his eyes wander over the entire room, trying to remember the room as it had been in his memory. Remus walked over to the fridge and found something edible and reasonably suitable for the two of them to eat.

As Remus got the magical oven started, Sirius finished his examination of the kitchen and walked back through the hall to the den to scrutinize that, since he hadn't looked at it much when he had come in earlier. Remus, once the entire dinner was started cooking, followed him.

Absently, Sirius ran a finger around the surface of the end table next the couch. "I don't remember there being so little furniture here," he whispered to Remus, still keeping his eyes determinedly on the wooden swirl design of the table.

Remus, even though Sirius wasn't staring accusatorily at him, looked away. "I had to sell most of it."

From near the couch came Sirius's rusty voice, "I'm sorry Remus."

"What are you sorry for?" Sirius had Remus's full attention; Remus's gaze bored into Sirius's profile.

"I kept telling you that you didn't need to be able to support yourself financially, but then we all just…abandoned you, and you did need… and we weren't there. I'm sorry Remmie." Tears trailed down Sirius's thin face.

"You didn't abandon me. Peter stole us all away from each other. None of what happened was your fault, and I want you to remember that, Sirius." Sirius- the name felt so foreign on his tongue. He hadn't said Sirius's name since…since that night in the shrieking shack, when he realized that Sirius was innocent and Peter had fooled them all; before that, though he hadn't said Sirius's name since… his Mom was using that childish nickname on him and he had to reprimand her.

Sirius didn't answer, nor did his gloomy expression lift. "Sirius…"

Sirius stood up, and without looking at Remus, strolled into the kitchen. Knowing that Sirius was hurting, and knowing, too, that he couldn't do anything, Remus followed.

Dinner, not being anything fancy, was nearly ready. Sirius set the table as Remus began placing everything into it's proper bowl- neither spoke. Their meal was equally quiet. Afterwards, Sirius stood and stretched lazily; Remus was reminded of old times. First Sirius would eat like a ravenous wolf, then he'd stretch, and then he'd go to bed. Remus's heart sank. Sirius couldn't go into his old room- not yet. Remus just wasn't ready for him to see that all of his stuff had disappeared over the years.

"Would you mind helping me with the dishes?" Remus asked hopefully.

"Sure, why not?" At Sirius's words, he breathed a silent sigh of relief. Both repeatedly plunged their hands into the soapy, warm water as they made an attempt at cleaning the dishes. It was a rather unusual sight to see Sirius up to his elbows in foamy water; he had most certainly changed. The old Sirius would've waved Remus off when asked to do any form of work.

Or perhaps, Remus theorized silently, he could sense that something was wrong by Remus's voice. Voices, he decided, were just plain useless. They often betrayed you when you most needed them to back you- as Remus's had just done. "Remmie, what's wrong?"

Remus sighed as quietly as possible to himself. Of course Sirius knew, how could he not? Had he not been Remus's flatmate for nearly six years? Remus neglected to answer, though Sirius scrutinized him until the last knife was spotless, and everything was put away.

Remus, in attempt to avoid questioning further, pulled a random book from the shelf, flipped carelessly to any page, and began to pretend to be reading. This, while achieving his aim, left Sirius with nothing to do.

"I think I'm just going to go to bed," Sirius informed him.

Trying to sound casual, Remus inquired, "Why so early?" His voice squeaked ever so slightly on the last syllable.

"I'm still tired from walking all the way here," he apologized.

"Oh." _'That was doubtlessly the least profound thing I've ever said.'_

"Good night," Sirius yawned at Remus as he turned and trotted down the hall, not knowing that Remus was trailing after him.

Yawning, his eyes momentarily shut as he pushed the door open. In the middle of the yawn his eyes reopened, and he froze like that, mouth halfway open. He might have looked comical in a dissimilar situation, frozen in that particular position.

"I'm so sorry," was all Remus could find to say.

His words unfroze the statue that had been standing in the doorway; Sirius melted into a heap on the floor, unable to do anything but stare at the empty room as tears rolled down his cheeks. For Sirius, it was the last straw. He'd lost his friends, his freedom, his looks, his voice, and so much else. His material possessions, too, had been taken from him. He knew Remus hadn't done it to hurt him, but that did little to soften the blow.

Remus sank next to his friend and wrapped his arms securely around Sirius. He stared at the room, too, and knew everything Sirius felt. Upon returning to his own home, he realized that he truly had _nothing_. He promised himself then that every time Sirius reached out to him, needing him, he was destined to never be disappointed, absolutely never. He was always going to be there to heal what hurts he could. They'd have each other, always.

To be continued!

**end of chapter; beginning of author's rants**

Okay, so… Again you really, REALLY need to review. Yes, this lacks a plot. But that doesn't mean you can't review! In fact, all the more reason to do so!

Only one more chapter to go!

Advice of the chpater: Write your thoughts down, they'll be useful to you later, even if right now you tell yourself that you'll remember them without writing them down then, believe me, you're better safe than sorry.


	4. Always There

**ALWAYS THERE**

**Chapter Four: Always There**

Any and all reviews welcome, even if they seem like a waste of your time I'll cherish them and take all advice and suggestions to heart. Thanks.

Ramzes- Sorry! I already wrote this chapter before you reviewed… It wasn't in the cards for me to write Sirius's recovery.

This chapter is dedicated to Ramzes, Kate, and Pistashimo-my three reviewers! I love you all!

This is the last chapter. Sorry it took so long. My elderly lap top was talking back to me. Here we go:

**end of author's rants**

Summer of 1996- soon after Harry's fifth year.

'_How could Sirius be…be…dead? He just…can't be…I just got him back.' _Remus was in an extreme state of shock. Nothing made sense to him anymore- the only question he had was,_'Why? Why Sirius, why now?' _It didn't stand to reason that, after only just discovering his friend's innocence, after only recently helping him begin piecing his life back together, he was gone. It wasn't fair: the ministry imbeciles lived on, not noticing, and the average people simply walking on the street continued in their lives- shopping, gossiping, and making a living- as though nothing had happened. And, to them, nothing of any significance had. Life went on, even as Remus wished he could stop everything and everyone to mourn the loss of such a good person. _'Why did she have to kill **him**? Why not kill…?' _Remus stopped himself before he finished the thought. He wouldn't wish death on anyone, and wishing such wouldn't bring Sirius back.

'_But if it could?'_ said the wolf in Remus, _'would you give up a different innocent soul to have him back?'_ Remus tried to shake the wolf from his mind, but he couldn't this close to the full moon. _'If you could, you'd give up someone, anyone else. Preferably one of those idiots working in the ministry.'_

Remus, having become too restless to simply sit here, torturing himself, grabbed his shabby, ancient broom, and flew out the window. He breathed the cool night air, trying to release his heart from the strain of losing Sirius yet again. Without meaning to, he steered his broom to the Ministry Magic office.

Remus entered the building, heading directly to the department of mysteries. He decided not to close the door that he came through, so the wall couldn't spin, but none of the other doors would open until it was properly closed.

It took several tries, but eventually Remus opened the correct door. Tears that had threatened to spill his whole flight finally fell at the site where Sirius had died heroically in battle. Remus sat down in front of the arch and got ready to spill his heart out to it, bracing himself for hearing nothing in response. Hermione had told him that Harry and Luna had heard voices from the veil, so why wouldn't it be feasible that he could speak to Sirius?

"Sirius, if you can hear me, I need you to tell me that you're there." His only reply was a soft flutter from the formerly still veil. "I'll take that as an answer. Sirius, please I need to just see you one more time, hear your voice. If you could talk to me I'd appreciate it." The veil moved a bit more that it had before and then stilled once more. Remus spent the next four hours talking to it, and each time he spoke, it moved. In the end, it helped, but wasn't anywhere near enough.

Just as he was disappointedly getting up, a ministry official burst through the door. "You're not allowed to be in here!" she screamed at Remus breathlessly.

"I was just leaving," Remus stated calmly.

"Let me help you leave!" The woman walked up to him and grabbed his arm, intending to pull him to the door, but Remus's feet remained firmly planted. "Were you leaving or not?" she snapped.

"I was, but I won't if you drag me like some rag doll. I will walk out, if you wish to accompany me, I have no objection, but other wise I'm not moving."

Once more, she gave a hopeless tug at his arm, but then gave in. They started walking back to the entrance, but before they got half way there, the ministry official's curiosity got the better of her. "Why are you so insistent on walking out?"

"I thought perhaps you'd appreciate having as limited contact as a werewolf as possible." As soon as his words registered, she stopped right in her tracks. He relished this moment guiltily. The true reason was his pride was one of the few things he had left, and he wanted to keep it in tact.

"You-you're a w-werewolf?" she stuttered, alarmed.

"Yes ma'am," he muttered, continuing walking.

She quickly caught up to him and demanded, "Why do you care what I'd think of it?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because you're a blood thirsty monster," she whispered venomously.

"Why is everyone always so blunt with werewolves?" Remus muttered more to himself than anyone else. "I'm not a monster at the moment, even though I will be in a week and a half."

"You are always, don't even try to deny it."

Merely shaking his head, Remus continued towards the entrance. "I know a great many people that would disagree with you."

"Are they people, or are they werewolves, vampires, giants, and trolls?"

"I strongly object to being categorized with trolls."

"Why is that?"

"They don't have enough brains to out-weigh a peanut."

"Oh, you're hilarious. Keep going." She gave him a slight push to emphasize her point.

"I wish I could change your mind."

"On kicking you out of here? You're lucky I'm too tired to file anything against you, you're lucky I don't arrest you for trespas-"

"I meant on the whole issue with werewolves. I have no intention to stay here another minute, especially now that you're here because I'd get an earful of biased, werewolf-bashing comments."

"Be quiet, you freak."

"And why should I be? If I'm such a monster, why shouldn't I attack you, never mind remain silent?" At this, she looked so terrified that Remus sympathized with her and dropped the whole devilish act. "Listen, I won't attack you, I'm just making a point."

"Monster! Even implying that you'd attack me! You may look human, but you have no sense of tact or of- of kindness, or-"

"You couldn't be bothered to show me a trace of tact or kindness." By now, they had reached the doors of the ministry near which Remus had left his broom.

"What were you doing here, anyway?"

Turning to her, he didn't see some official with a burning desire to kick him out; instead he suddenly saw the schoolgirl she had once been. Recognizing her, he smiled, "I could ask you the same thing, Sarah."

"WHOA! Wait, how do you know my name?" There was no doubt that she was shocked that a werewolf knew her name and had addressed her by it.

"Are you telling me that you don't remember me at all?" Remus leaned towards her mockingly, deciding that he'd toy with her just a little.

"No, I've made a point of not being in contact with your type at all."

"That's a pity because I remember back in your sixth year of school. You confided a few things in me that you couldn't even tell your friends."

"Liar," she accused, trying to think whom she could possible have confided so much in.

"Like how you had a crush on Nick?" Remus continued as though she hadn't said a single word.

After this statement, it seemed as though she'd frozen permanently with her mouth open. The uncomfortable silence stretched for several long minutes before, "Remus?" Chuckling softly, Remus grabbed up his broom, but before he could mount a hand grabbed his shoulder. "How long have you been a werewolf?" Her voice contained only sympathy- it was now absent of any loathing and she seemed only slightly apprehensive of touching him.

He turned to her, and just before he took off, smiled and said, "It will be thirty-one years in a month from tomorrow." With that, he was in the sky, soaring away, only vaguely hearing her call after him, "Since before I knew you?"

Remus didn't know it, but that meeting that night would change Sarah forever. At first, she would sulk, thinking only that he had tricked her out of spite. Then, she would take out her diary from when she was sixteen out of her mother's attic, read it, and remember how kind he'd been to her. Sarah would soon afterward lead several werewolf rights movements for many years after that.

As Remus soared through the sky, he looked up through the clear night to the stars. There, Sirius shone down, the brightest of them all. Remus smiled as he realized that as long as his star still glowed brightly, Sirius would never be forgotten. '_And_,' he concluded as he landed outside his and Sirius's apartment, '_stars live very long lives_.' That easily, Remus could suddenly feel Sirius's presence all around him. With new confidence, Remus prepared himself for the long battle ahead against Voldemort. Something told him that without Sirius, everything would change. Walking intio his apartment, Remus knew that Sirius would always watch over him- would always be there.

THE END

**end of story; beginning of author's rants**

Advice of the chapter: Never argue with people who don't know what they're talking about. You can't win if you do, and you've already won if you don't. No, that didn't tie in with the chapter. Too bad, it tied in with my life so it counts for something.


End file.
